Mourning

I wanted this to be an almost-daily blog, somewhere I could post thoughts short enough to read quickly and, hopefully, meaningful to mamas of different walks. It has been almost a month since I posted. I have so few words for others these days: most of life is struggling to make it through each day. I am wearied of grief, and necessity of facing this loss has been overwhelming to me. This does not, at all, change the truth of what I have said, here or other places. Knowing these truths, having these truths, makes the loss bearable, but it does not remove the pain of loss, the fact that Sarah is in a different state of being. Truly, we are much worse off than she--it is always harder for the ones left behind.
So bear with me, please, as I seek to find God, and peace, in this time. Take with me the words of Julian of Norwich: "All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well."

In the Midst

Life continues, and new routines form, but the heart still grieves. Allow your children to be part of your grieving without weighing them down with it. Grief can be anger, impatience, clinginess, or any number of things. Share with them your sadness, and, most of all, how to overcome it. Life still is beautiful. Smiles and laughter are good. Do not be afraid to find and feel joy.

Grief

God did *not* "will" it, mama. If you want to say He "allowed" it (and "it" is something different for each of us), understand that He allowed it in the sense that He "allows" His world to function according to its natural tendencies and natural laws. He does not meddle, generally speaking, with the workings of the world. When He does, it is called a miracle, but it wouldn't be right, or just, or even good, if He were constantly sticking His fingers in to redirect the order of things. And they would cease to be miracles. It is sin, and sin only, which causes death and hurt and grief. I learned a long time ago that He does not ask anything of us that He has not already done, and done to an infinite degree.
So grieve, but do not rage; weep, but know--know in your head and heart and bowels--that He weeps with you, and, like you, longs for the day when all things will be made new. And trust Him, that in His providence and might, He will, indeed turn the greatest grief to something beautiful.

Tranquility

Rejoice in this day of rest! Rejoice, sweet Mama, that you, yes you, are the pearl of great price, for whom He sacrificed everything. Stop folding laundry, put down the clothes, let it go for today, and refresh yourself in His love. Renew your soul for the coming week--laundry, dusting, mopping, even tidying--there will be plenty of it in the days to come. On this one day, just one, take time for your soul, and take a moment to meet with your maker.

Happy

There are no avoiding days like this, and at times there will be a lot of them. What are you going to do about it, Mama? So many women take advantage of their power.
If Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.
Yes, we can use this as a threat: Better keep me happy, honey and kids, or I'll make your life hell.
But you are a better person than that. Strive to be magnanimous: literally, "big-souled." For you, this saying means, If I let everyone's bad attitude and my own frustrations make me into a cranky-pants, then no one will have a good day.
You're the adult. You are the woman. You are the mama. It's up to you, honey. But you're not on your own. Take a deep breath, and pray. Re-center your soul; find peace. With God, all things are possible, and that means today.

Worth

Sweet mama: that old friend, long-time acquaintance, who always knows just what to say to make you feel a little worse about yourself . . . Don't worry! It is not your fault. Nothing, I repeat nothing is wrong with you. You may not handle every situation perfectly, but that doesn't warrant snide comments or cutting criticism. But remember, dear, she is human, too, and not no one of us is perfect, try as we might. Keep your eyes focused on what you must believe about all else to be true: Your worth does not depend on human esteem. You are beautiful because you are you, and because you are fearfully and wonderfully made. Don't let the $&*()#@ grind you down.

Strength

You cannot do it alone. None of us can, and it is folly to try. There are times, though, when we allow even our staunchest supporters to diminish ourselves. You know--the friend who makes you feel clumsy, or spendthrift, or impatient, or dull; maybe even ugly. Here's the thing, dear one: you never know what your friends may envy you! It is silly to rate someone else's strengths as "better" than yours just because she has them and you do not. If you want to cultivate that virtue, then do so, but not to the expense of your own strengths and skills and identity. Be strong in who you are, knowing that only you are you, and you are wonderfully and beautifully made!