Mourning

I wanted this to be an almost-daily blog, somewhere I could post thoughts short enough to read quickly and, hopefully, meaningful to mamas of different walks. It has been almost a month since I posted. I have so few words for others these days: most of life is struggling to make it through each day. I am wearied of grief, and necessity of facing this loss has been overwhelming to me. This does not, at all, change the truth of what I have said, here or other places. Knowing these truths, having these truths, makes the loss bearable, but it does not remove the pain of loss, the fact that Sarah is in a different state of being. Truly, we are much worse off than she--it is always harder for the ones left behind.
So bear with me, please, as I seek to find God, and peace, in this time. Take with me the words of Julian of Norwich: "All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well."

In the Midst

Life continues, and new routines form, but the heart still grieves. Allow your children to be part of your grieving without weighing them down with it. Grief can be anger, impatience, clinginess, or any number of things. Share with them your sadness, and, most of all, how to overcome it. Life still is beautiful. Smiles and laughter are good. Do not be afraid to find and feel joy.

Grief

God did *not* "will" it, mama. If you want to say He "allowed" it (and "it" is something different for each of us), understand that He allowed it in the sense that He "allows" His world to function according to its natural tendencies and natural laws. He does not meddle, generally speaking, with the workings of the world. When He does, it is called a miracle, but it wouldn't be right, or just, or even good, if He were constantly sticking His fingers in to redirect the order of things. And they would cease to be miracles. It is sin, and sin only, which causes death and hurt and grief. I learned a long time ago that He does not ask anything of us that He has not already done, and done to an infinite degree.
So grieve, but do not rage; weep, but know--know in your head and heart and bowels--that He weeps with you, and, like you, longs for the day when all things will be made new. And trust Him, that in His providence and might, He will, indeed turn the greatest grief to something beautiful.